A Long Lost Family
Saturday, March 29, 2008 at 11:25pm
So those of you who are pretty close to me probably know by now that I found my brother and sister today, through Myspace of all things.
I haven't seen either one in over ten years, so this has been a very emotional day. Ever since I have learned how to turn on a computer, I have spent hours at a time on the internet trying to find them. I had found information on my sister's baby, and all her pageant successes, but never anything about my two siblings on my dad's side.
They lived in Loyall last time I saw them. It was the best fourth of July in my life. For once I got to experience tons upon tons of fireworks, and my sister was pregnant with her baby girl. We all had competitions to see who could go the longest without yawning while we played go fish in the kitchen. I only remember one distinct instance of seeing my brother, he was walking downstairs and I waited for him to climb down at the bottom, when he got to me, he called me "fartknocker" and I turned seven shades of red. I don't know why I remember that so well, but I'll never forget it, and I feel this incredible bond between him still today, even with only this one memory of this one word.
I never understood the pain that someone was dealt with when finding a lost loved one until now. Tons of questions come into your mind. Do they want to see you? Have they tried to find you? Do they care at all about you? Why haven't they tried to find you!? Do they think about you? Are they better off without you? I'm still trying to figure all of these things out.
My niece is beautiful, just like my sister. She's won countless pageants. My brother is still the stud he always was, and apparently pretty much runs a construction company. Seeing how well off they are doing even sends so many mixed emotions. You start to feel like maybe you aren't good enough for them, or that you would just be another burden on their hectic lives.
I want so much to be a part of their lives, if they will have me. Oh, I so hope they will have me. I want to be able to show their pictures and be like, "look this is my sister/brother!!! aren't they great!"
But also with the hurt they have toward my dad, i hope they can see past it. But because my niece doesn't know about him and this would all probably be very confusing to her, I don't know that they will want me to see her, either. If I do see her, how do I explain where I come from, why I am there, why I wanted to see her, and why I look so much like my brother.
My sister has already accept my friend request on myspace. I wonder if she didn't recognize the name because she hasn't messaged me and seems to be moving right along with her life. Which adds to the confusion. How could she look over someone with the same last name as her? Especially someone with the same name as her sister who she hasn't spoken to in over a decade. Has she looked at my myspace? I don't know. I hope so. Maybe she did. i don't know. Maybe she just sees me as another casual relationship.
Dad still loves all four of his children. The situation is just a bit awkward is all. When I so him these pictures of his children and the grandchild he's never seen or held, I know there will be some great emotions.
Until today I only had one picture of my sister and i together, and that is when we were watching my brother walk into Evarts High School for his girlfriends Prom. And even on the day of my prom, I remembered and reflected on this moment.
I want to be a part of their family if they will have me. I hope so. I want to go out for dinner with them, something, anything. Tell them about their little sister, who they probably haven't even heard about. Who has also slipped through the family's fingers.
Always love your family everyone. Always. Always show them that you care, and NEVER avoid them, because even if they aren't on your mind, you're probably on theirs. Cherish your closeness, because not everyone is so blessed to have a close family.
My brother and my sister's little girl
My sister
My neice
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