I realize my blog isn't widely anticipated, or popular by any means, but I do feel the need to explain my prolonged absence. 


In my first official post to my website, I said "This probably isn't a blog that I will be announcing to all my friends." I wasn't expecting, or writing for any particular audience. As most great writers do (though I do not claim any abundance in writing skill) I was only writing for my own interest. Very quickly (probably within a month), and by a little fault of my own, my website was.... let's say "leaked" to family and friends. While I admit that it wasn't smart use my name as the website exactly if I didn't want to be found, I was rather hoping for a little more time to define my thoughts and the purpose of this site. I can honestly tell you all that I do not mind my family and friends reading what I have to say. It's actually quite humbling and makes me feel loved. But I did find myself breaking my promise to myself. I wasn't really writing for me anymore. I found myself moderating my posts, even writing out full rough, and even second drafts before I posted. Again, I'm not saying this is a bad thing, only that it doesn't follow my own guidelines that I set in my introductory post.


That being said, I've found in life that the best moderator for our behaviors at any given time is to imagine we are being watched by our parents'. Well... **Hi, Mom** And thanks for making that part easy. 


Since I'm releasing, it seems an official post explaining my absence, I believe I do have a few more things to "be out with it" already. I'm tired of upholding a put-together, composed fasaude. My goal, starting with this post, is to not be so passive. I do not want to be aggressive, only more assertive. I'm learning more and more how to become my own person, and with that, learning not to care about what that means for everyone else when it comes to their expectations of me. I'm old enough now, and have learned enough from my own mistakes and the mistakes made by those around me, to be fairly guided on the path I'm now choosing to take with my life. 


So here it is. I am 70% certain (of course, not an exact percentage) that I want to be a sex educator. I am fairly certain that I do not want to go into therapy, though I will endure it for the sake of earning my degree. But I am, and have been for as long as I can remember-comfortable where others were not- in the topic of sex. I feel as though there is a serious problem in the way we address sex. I want to be a voice of reason when it comes to our attitudes about sex, and I want to influence the people around me to be more sex positive in the sense that our sexual attitudes are healthy ones, and most importantly, safe ones. 


I realize this isn't a common path. I realize especially that most people won't be happy with my decision to pursue this career. But from the moment I considered it, I realized that this was what I wanted to do. I've already been persecuted for this. I've already had a very small taste of what's to come. And I do not care. 


I just feel like if the situation were reversed, I would have wanted someone to talk to me. Maybe I wouldn't have made some of the mistakes I did. I needed someone to talk to me objectively, and non-judgmentally, and that just wasn't available to me. Most adults forget that their children have their own free will at times; their own minds to make up. Sometimes it's just simply easier to talk to someone you don't know. But regardless, whether we are children or elders, the choices we make are our own. All choices have consequences though, and I think it will be my job to weigh them effectively.


Alfred Kinsey, the leader in sexual studies, has an institute with a graduate program in his honor in Bloomington, IN. I think this is where I want to go to graduate school. At the same time, I'm excited about the possibility of exploring other parts of the nation. I hate being far from my family, although I rarely have the time to visit as much as I would like, but I can't help but wonder what life in say, California, or Seattle would be like. I still have about a year to think this all over, but as friends and family, I feel you all deserve to (finally) know what I've been thinking about doing with my life. 


I'm not going to post anything else for a while. I still don't know what to do with this site, but beside from that, I want you all (and myself) to have some time to let all of this sink in and be thought over rationally. 


Love, 
JerRay