Chris came over tonight. We watched a TiVo'd Oprah because one of our friend's videos' was on there for a split second and it was about a show we both love, Glee. His car is dead. Starter won't work. Now he's asleep and I'm not going to wake him up just yet. I've been thinking a lot. It's another one of THOSE nights.

Life is moving on, going forward, for everyone else ...

My friends have moved on, my fiance has moved on, my job, school... all moving forward.

I see some hope throughout the week. Like today, I felt much better after I got some things accomplished, like homework. Yesterday, I registered for classes. One of the last times I'll have to do so.

But it doesn't take long for this feeling of helplessness, this "why-bother" syndrome to come back.

I know I've become unbearable. The proof is in the pudding. The time I need more support than ever before in my life and no one is here. Life's hardest lesson, and I'm facing it alone.

And ya know, I'm okay with that.

I think my biggest fear now, is the outcome of all this. I need for it to be over with so I can breathe again.

At least I can say I'm blessed in the sense that it will be over, one way or another. I haven't lost a loved one, they are still there, but it's almost like I have. I can't tell you how much I feel like someone has died.

It will be over soon.

No matter the outcome....

It will be over soon.